Miami Fans Need Pointers, LeBron Not Getting Love

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Wait, why arent you guys at the Heat game?
  • Wait, why aren't you guys at the Heat game?

This isn’t going to come as any surprise to your ice-bound Midwestern heart, but Miami sports fans suck. The worldwide basketball fandom has eyeballs on South Beach and the Miami Tepid can barely fill American Airlines Arena this early into the season. Must be something about the seasonless climate or palm-tree languor that poisons the Floridian’s fervor. Or the team’s limp 6-4 start.

Whatever the reason, Tepid fans ain’t showing up for the games, or when they do, they roll in late and bounce out early. To combat this apparent indifference, the Tepid’s PR machine is trying to hand-hold South Beachers on the finer points of appreciation; they’ve concocted this helpful how-to, urging fans to “Fan Up.” Seriously. We're not making this up.

Among the suggestions: show up early, stay for the whole game, and, oh yeah, cheer for the team. Just keep to the fundamentals Miami and you’ll be fine.

In other Tepid news, Time Magazine has put LeBron James as an option on its readers' poll for the rag’s 2010 Person of the Year. (The poll doesn’t actually determine the winner; it’s just a people’s choice exercise). How’s he doing, vote-wise? Not so hot. Right now LeBron is knocking on the basement floor at number 22 out of 25. His illustrious company at the bottom of the barrel includes poster boy poindexter Jonathan Franzen, Afghan president Hamid Karzai, and BP badguy Tony Hayward. Not exactly the company the former Chosen One usually parties down with.

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