Where to even begin except saying this is the best tale of fried-chicken-inspired violence you'll read all day.
According to the Akron Beacon Journal, Tony, 37, and Thomas, 41, Morris were at their mother's house for a nice visit recently. Tony was in one room watching TV, Thomas was in another room doing the same.
Suddenly, Thomas claims, a piece of fried chicken was thrown "in his direction."
Tony admitted throwing the chicken, upset because "he believed his brother took a bite of the chicken and placed it back in the frying pan."
Hell yeah that's a good reason for throwing chicken! You don't go taking a bite of chicken and putting it back in the pan. That's grounds for a beating. The brother had it coming.
Anyway, back to the story.
Thomas then challenged his brother to step outside and handle their dispute "like men who argue over fried chicken handle disputes." (Just kidding. We added that last part. He just said, "like men.")
Tony then grabbed a crowbar and charged Thomas, apparently willing to take him up on his offer to settle the dispute like men. Thomas ran, apparently realizing the offer to settle the dispute like men included a crowbar, something he wanted no part of. Unfortunately, Thomas slipped on some ice, allowing Tony to catch up and crack him in the head several times, enough to open a deep cut and cause some serious damage.
Eventually, Thomas escaped to a neighbor's house.
Their mother called 911 to get police involved.
End of story? Not so fast, my friend.
You don't even know the best part yet: The mother admitted that she was the one who took the bite of the chicken and put it back.
The Morris family is likely having ham for dinner during the holidays.
(Via the Akron Beacon Journal)