Snow is a wonderful plaything. You can sled in it, throw snowballs, build snowmen, and construct snow forts.
You can also make giant snow penises. Of course, not everyone is down with phallic snow structures, so if you mold a 7-foot-tall sex organ, you have to be prepared for some complaints. Especially if you're a 16-year-old boy and the snow penis is in your parents' front yard. That sort of tomfoolery flies on college campuses, not in the quaint neighborhoods of Elyria.
The Chronicle Telegram reports on one young Michelangelo's anatomically correct model, which probably left whatever sourpuss who complained feeling a little less than manly:
He [Roman King] said he created it “just to see what people would think,” and he has gotten “car honks with people giving us the thumbs up,” from drivers while it was standing.
“My friends really like it,” King said.
But is there actually a law against having a snow sculpture shaped like that on one’s property?
Elyria Police Chief Duane Whitely said it was the first time he had ever heard of a complaint concerning such a sculpture, and after some research, said it would likely fall under disorderly conduct.
“It’s obviously an offensive structure,” Whitely said. He said it was unlikely to fall under public indecency laws because “public indecency has to do a lot with the human body.”
King was forced to chop down the snow penis with a shovel, which probably led to some unwanted dreams about castration for the young artist.
We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.
Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.
Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.
Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.
Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.