The Lust Poll Results, Bonus Online Edition




You bombarded us with so many terrific, and perverse, responses to this year's Lust survey that only a small fraction of the answers actually made it to print. Lest we deprive your fellow citizens of the full extent of your depravity and anonymous sexual confessions, we decided to post a bonus online edition today featuring all the goodies that didn't make it into this week's issue.

So without further ado, your sexual fantasies, pickup lines, conquests, body parts, and more...

Happy Valentine's Day, everyone.

What first attracts you to someone?

Sense of humor
A big moose knuckle
Big package
Big friggin’ titties
Luscious lips
Brains (1 vote)
No brain

What’s the Worst Pickup Line You’ve Ever Heard?

Are you from Tennessee?
Can I push your stool in?
Can I be your big mama?
Do you fuck or do I owe you an apology?
Do you have any Finnish in you? Would you like some?
Do you work for UPS?
Are you a keg? ’Cause I’d like to tap that ass.
How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice.
Is that a mirror in you pocket? ‘Cause I can see myself in your pants.
You have food in your teeth.
How do you like your eggs?
I have a BMW.
I work in radio.
Are you Tom Brady?
So how big are your breasts?
What does your boyfriend do?
The test results were positive!
Your fist would be a perfect fit for my ass.
I see you like some cool bands by the stickers on your notebook.
Girl you’re thicker than a cold bowl of grits.
Can I buy you a car?
Excuse me. You're standing on my cock.
Let’s go to the library.

What is the best way to you heart on Valentine’s Day?

A big, beautiful bag of Mary Jane ... and a ton of chocolates for when I get the munchies after.
A good blowjob.
A romantic evening out … and thongs.
Being topless.
A burlesque show and dinner, followed by sex.
Cooking me dinner at home — without the kids.
Dinner at a place I’ve never been to.
Cuddling in front of the TV.
Fluff holiday — don’t celebrate it.
Giving me a blowjob and swallowing my cum. Swallowing never happens.
Hot bath and red wine.
If he remembers it, I’m happy.
I nice big fat steak. Because it's meat goddammit!
Kissing me for hours on end and whispering words of love.
Knowing that I don't need a stupid holiday to profess my love towards someone
Letting her have total control of my body.
Multiple lengthy sessions.
My penis.
Steak and a blowjob.
Sushi, a couple of glasses of wine, a left handed cigarette and some sensual boning.
Take me to a secluded cabin in the woods with a private hot tub
Thru my hoo hoo.
Through my large intestine.
The lady pays for everything.

What’s the craziest place you’ve ever gotten it on? (moral: carry lots of hand sanitizer)

Five feet off a hiking trail at Wallace Lake.
A 31-year-old's bedroom in his parent's house.
A culvert in a playground.
A little kids’ tree house.
A parking lot on West 9th.
At the secret downtown sex club by the river.
Back yard — with the Goodyear Blimp passing low overhead.
Backstage during a recital.
Behind the library on the Navy base
Cedar Point
Cleveland Stadium in front of 88K.
In a comic-book-themed bedroom.
Dressing room at Sears.
Ferris wheel.
In the crypt of the Garfield monument.
In the street in front of her parents’ house
In the woods that wrap around Hinckley Lake.
Inside the Cleveland Museum of Art
Jet Express on the way home from Put-in-Bay.
On the stretch of grass by the Put In Bay tower. Yeah, got caught.
Lakewood Park
On top of a car in front of a gay bar.
Picnic table at Edgewater under the spotlight of a cop cruiser.
Police station bathroom.
Press box at old Cleveland Municipal Stadium during a concert.
the linen shed at St Hazard's on Middle Bass Island.
The old Nationwide Insurance outside elevator.

What is the most romantic thing someone has ever done for you?

Backrubs without asking.
Bailed me out of jail.
blowjobs when they hate giving them
Bought me my first tool box.
Bought me wine and chocolate for an at home viewing of Casablanca.
Broke into my car while I was at work, and when I got in it was full of gardenia flowers. The smell was incredible!
Brushed the snow off my car
Cook, and then fuck the shit out of me
Dressed up like Emma Frost from The X-Men.
Dried a tear from my face.
His car broke down so he walked all the way to Malley’s to get me chocolate-covered strawberries.
Buying me my favorite composer's CDs when we're together at a bookstore.
Kidnapped me
Paid my bills
Put sweet notes that i wouldn't find all at once on things in my deployment bag when I deployed to Afghanistan
Told me, out of the blue, that I was beautiful.
Waited for me naked
Walked my dog for me when I had the flu
Wrote and performed a song for me.

Is sex more or less fun when you love your partner?

It can be more fun once you are in love and all your inhibitions can come out.
Depends on their credit score.
Love can make it more intense, but the naughtness of sex with a stranger or someone you hardly know can be a big turn-on.
It’s more fun because you can really let loose since you don't have to figure stuff out
Less ... It can become predictable and a chore
Less fun for sure... i dont feel bad smackin him around
Less fun, It takes the dirtyness out when u love them
More - there's nothing hotter than shouting \I love you\" while cumming.
More b/c you feel safe enough to try different things
More because you know their body better
More fun, without a doubt, because then you can let all your freaky shit hang out.
More fun-because you know you'll both orgasm
More! I know what he likes and when he gets excited, I do too
MORE, because then it's something transcendental. Sex is something any animal can do.
More. your head isn't clouded with questions
Never had sex with anyone but my wife.
Sex without true love is meaningless for me. In love, sexual expression is the Ultimate form of communicating feelings of love and it's the best gift.
Used to say less but i'm in a good place right now. when you love them it IS better!
When you don't; there's more freedom to try new things without worrying about the other person's feelings.

Do you use porn? What types? Do you watch alone or with someone else?

Youporn — ha, if the wife would have sex i probably wouldn't watch it
I mix it up to keep it fresh. Mostly alone or with the cats.
I love internet porn. usually watch it alone with my joy-towel
I love porn, and I am not afraid to admit it. I like all types; threesomes, lesbian, amateur, double penetration, and domination. Of course I watch it alone, but my boyfriend is a willing participant too.
Lesbian porn alone
Nope. I would if my husband would go for it.
Occasionally - buff college dudes. Sometimes my hubby & I watch together.
Big bootie hoes
Granny porn
I’m horny enough without it.
Doctor & patient
Mostly anal
All types except gay
I love group. Yes my man & I watch together and when he;s not around, gotta get business done still.
Yes, but it has to be ethical.
Yes. Anything that doesn't involve poop or men together.
Yes. Alone. Mostly pics of my own partners that I've taken myself during our encounters

Define cheating. Have you ever?

Any act of emotion with someone else. And no I haven’t.
Any behavior that would hurt your partner, physical or emotional. I cheated once, when I was 21, and I will never do it again.
Anything emotional or physical that would make you upset if your SO did it with someone else. No, I have not.
Anything more than kissing. No, I haven't!
anything you do that your partner wouldn't approve of and you do it and hide it, yes I have and hated myself for doing it
Anything you wouldn't want your spouse/partner to do with someone else. No I haven’t
Anything that doesn't feel right while in a relationship. yes ot.
becoming physical or emotionally intimate with someone other than your partner when they don't know about it. yes
Cheating is anything more than a platonic (i.e., tongueless) kiss. I have cheated, but not on my current spouse.
Cheating is anything that takes the focus off of your significant other, weather it's emotional or physical
Cheating is awesome
Cheating is being in a exclusive relationship while having fun on the side with someone else. No I haven't.
Cheating is feeling connected to someone mentally, physically, and emotionally to someone other than your mate. And, no, sex doesn't have to happen. And, yes, I have
Cheating is when you kiss, sleep with, or sext a person other than your significant other. I have in the past
Cheating only counts with anal.
Doing something that you have promised not to do
Doing something with someone you wouldn't do in front of your partner
Going beyond thinking of doing something sexual with another person; or, thinking about doing something sexual with another person all the time.
Going outside the bounds of your partner's expectations without their knowledge, and have I ever.
It depends on the relationship you are in. And yes, I have.
Orgasm with another
Sex-texting is cheating.

Do you fantasize about your partner’s friends or family? Ever act on it?

All the time
Absolutely not. That territory is totally off limits to me, and it's gross.
Did my husband's brother yrs ago- and no neither of us ever told!
Hell No ( if you've seen them you'll know why )
I have fantasized about an ex's friends but never acted on it. I should have.
Never, no. Never. Gross
No, I’d rather stick my dick in a fan.
No — he only has a sister!
No, they are repulsive in every way.
No. I would rather focus my attention on what I have.
Yes and yes, with her sister.
Yes, and I was turned down.
Yes — her father especially.

Do you consider yourself a good lover?

Absolutely. I will make sure that a woman has more than one orgasm and I will make sure her needs are filled.
At times, and at certain things. I love foreplay, and try to be attentive to my lover. I also love performing cunnilingus.
I think I am above average. Because I am willling to try anything once.
I think so. My partner cums before me. I like variety, toys,whatever
I would hope so.Pleasing my partner is more important to me
I'm the best! I'm passionate & want to give hot juicy pleasure!
In every way possible. I do absolutely anything my man wants from me. It's all about him.
No complant's yet ,So yes. 55 yrs old and still going like a stud penis is only 2 inches long
Not the best but certainly not the worst
Oh yeah. My potential is wasted with my wife though because she's too proper. I hate that!
Used to be, it's been too long
Yeah, I cook I clean, I give there more?
Yep. ive been told i fuck like a porn star. im not afraid to try anything...twice
Yep — she quits first.
Yes i love to make a women cum first
Yes, I am very passionate and attentive and am a great kisser, because I've been told by most every man I've ever been with, except my ex-husband! That's why he is an ex.
Yes, I do. I'm open to trying new things, giving and receiving. I do wish I were more of an initiator. I'm afraid of being rejected.
Yes, I have no compliants and they come back for more good tongue game
Yes. I believe in sharing the experience not using a body for masturbation
Yes. I always try to please my partner, even if I do not get satisfied.
yes. it all starts with oral loving.
Yes. I know what boys like.

What’s the role of sexual fantasy in your life?

Always angling for a threesome.
Boring — sometimes I pretend he's George Clooney. That's about it. No whips.
Fantasy is all I have.
I like my lover to hold my throat while I’m coming and squeeze it just a little.
It helps me escape my sexless marriage.
Lots of it, since the wife is so boring. Just had one not too long ago about having sex in a dressing room at a department store while texting with a guy that sent me a pic of himself while I was shopping.
Masturbational purposes.
Playing the doctor.
Slave. Flat-out abuse me.

What are you most afraid that a partner might think about you?

I don’t really care.
I sucked.
I’m not big enough.
I’m too big.
I wasn’t as good as others.
I’m fat.
I’m inconsiderate.
I’m more afraid of not knowing than anything else.
I’m a cheater.
My ass is too small.
My baby-belly stretch marks.
I’m not rich enough.
The usual fears of a woman who’s had kids.
I can’t give good head.
I don’t know what I’m doing.
I have a kinky side.
I’ve had too many partners.
I haven’t shaved to his standards. But hey, sometimes you miss a day.
I smell bad down south.
I’ll screw anyone — she doesn’t need to know that.
I’m a communist.
I’m gross.
I’m not as hot as his ex.
I’m seemingly a heartless bitch sometimes.
We are too different.

After sex, have you ever asked how did I end up here? How did you?

I was tied spread eagle to a bed.
Who hasn't? Don't get drunk if you don't wanna do things you will regret.
No, just happy to get laid.
Nope. One woman. Wife.
I don’t drink Jack Daniel’s anymore. Waking up with the KISS midget is where I draw the line.
Once at Mardi Gra, I woke up with a blue ribbon tied on for second place.
She had a massive tonge. Bleh.
Thank you, Paramount distillery.
Have you seen my pants?
Alcohol-induced, friend’s wife, him watching.
Alcohol and low self-esteem.
Taking one for the team.
Copious amounts of alcohol combined with the desire to sleep with a man with no legs. And it was crazy awesome.

Describe a sex dream you remember vividly.

69 with Halle Berry.
A high school teacher giving oral in the classroom.
Being tied up on my bed and blindfolded. My wife brings in her friend and sister and I do all three.
George Clooney in his house in Tuscany after he grew weary of all the supermodels and fell wildly in love with a nice girl from Ohio.
Getting Head while parachuting from a plane . Woke up when I fell out of bed.
Getting it on with my teacher. (After the dream, it happened.)
Having sex with Ludacris in the front of a Cadillac in front of 33 Public Square (which has been gone a long time now).
Having sex with the boyfriend I didn't do it with in high school.
Mark Maguire.
My doctor fucked me on the exam table.
My first threesome — you gotta love virtual reality!
Sex with an ex and his father.
The hot girl I was working on turned into my brother.

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