Man High On Bath Salts Calls Cops About Imaginary Intruders

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This bath salt craze is apparently real, and dangerous, and hilarious.

The Medina County Gazette reports that 31-year-old Lucas Kocab called the cops around dinnertime on February 17 because there were 30 intruders in his house. The police arrived to find exactly zero intruders, but did find Kocab frantically running around and "acting paranoid."

He told the cops that the intruders were intentionally blending in with chairs and trees, incognito-like, so that no one could see them. But he could see them. He knew they were there. Those 30 invisible ninjas weren't putting anything over on our brave hero.

29-year-old Heidi Miller, who lives at the same house, told police she and Kocab snorted bath salts a few hours before he started seeing the stealth force's invasion, which is probably just a coincidence.

This isn't the first time cops have arrived at the Kocab residence because the duo decided to have a relaxing bubble bath in their noses; the cops dealt with a similar call at the residence earlier this month.

Police say the bath salts, which aren't like the ones you can buy over at Bed Bath & Beyond, are legal even though they contain compounds that make it feel like you just did a pile of meth, so they couldn't charge Kocab for possession of drugs. But they did take him to the hospital and did charge him with persistent disorderly conduct. Hopefully they also told him that he's stupid.

Maybe next time the pair will invest in some K2 to come down from the bath salt high. Or turn on Fox 8's Dick Goddard at night to mellow out — it's basically the same thing as toking up.

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