by Kyle Swenson
Try as we might, we can’t think of a better place to run a criminal enterprise out of than a daycare. Or wait, is that too obvious? Is it one of those it’s-so-unlikely-it’s-likely things? Damn hyper-meta world we live in. You choose.
Crafty/moronic criminal duo Elishama Vinson and Marvin Lear were running drugs from a home in Westwood, near Cincinnati, according to the Enquirer. The home doubled as a daycare center; Vinson is a card carrying, state-stamped child care provider.
Her Type B license allows her to take care of up to 6 children, and state records show she was currently responsible for two. As part of the certification, a state inspector was required to sniff through the place twice a year.
But had those inspectors really nosed around, they would have found Vinson and her friend were up to more than fixing bottles (or actually, that’s exactly what they were doing*). When police raided the residence this week, they recovered large amount of weed and coke ready for the open market. Lear — whose record is spotted with a previous felony drug conviction — was also found with a loaded handgun.
Of course, this being a daycare, there were children in the home at the time of the raid. A 2-year-old girl Vinson was caring for was on site, as well as a 3-year-old cousin and the woman’s 10-year-old daughter.
And of course, this being the American bureaucratic honeycomb at work, the daycare can still legally operate; it’s just lost government funding until an investigation is complete.
*Bottles: 90s street lingo for crack vials. See: Clockers, Price, Richard; The Wire; etc.**
** We know, minus 10 points for explaining our own pun.