Localities here and across the nation are opening their wallets to find a note: "Break piggy bank in case of emergency." Then they go to the piggy bank, smash it with a hammer, and discover nothing but three Skittles and a $5-off coupon for Suzy Orman's "Young, Fabulous, and Broke" DVD.
Where will the relief come from? How about Reader's Digest?
The mag's had an ongoing contest since last year called, "We Hear You America." (Probably because they turned their hearing aid on.) 100 communities were selected via a vote — no word on if it was conducted by carrier pigeon, by pony express, or whether readers voted before or after they finished reading the latest issue of Parade — and the publication rewarded the winners with checks to "provide support to Americans and their hometowns that have been hurt by recession."
Mentor and Euclid were among the winners, so Reader's Digest rolled through town in their fancy "We Hear You America" camper-van to doll out the bounty. The haul: $1000. Hey, don't laugh, that sum effectively doubles the discretionary funding of most towns these days.
According to the News-Herald, Reader's Digest representatives "spoke with city officials, presented them with a $1,000 check and later visited the Western Reserve Model Railroad Museum on Justin Way."
In Euclid, the check was delivered to Mayor Bill Cervenik by former supermodel Niki Taylor, a scene which probably resembled something like Bill Gates flicking a penny at the homeless woman who lives by our building.
The City of Euclid has chosen to use the funds to support two separate projects;$500 to the Euclid Fire Department in their effort to construct a case to hold a piece of steel from the Ground Zero 9-11 tragedy and $500 to assist the East 200th Street Stroll.
This despite Mayor Cervenik's pleas to offer the $1,000 to Niki Taylor to cook dinner at his house.