by Kyle Swenson
The great headlines just keep rolling off the presses. This one has a certain Lynchian-zing to it, equal parts peaceful Mayberry and disembodied body parts. Courtesy of the Chronicle-Telegram:
“Police say angry man threw teeth, threatened to beat up everyone at sub shop.”
Sure, we’ve all probably arm-wrestled with the urge to go Hulk smash on a sub shop when they eighty-six pickles or honey oat bread, but tossing teeth? That's next level public disturbance.
47-year-old Ralph Mowery had a history of creating problems at Hanini Subs in Elyria, according to the paper. Last Friday, he got upset about something and tossed his fake chompers on the counter. Gravity went to work and said plastic whites rolled onto the floor, at which point Mowery threatened to beat up everyone in the store.
Unlike your garden variety screaming-sub-shop crazy, Mowery seemed willing to throw some punches — he came around the counter and stepped toward an employee with his mitts up ready to kiss face. The employee grabbed a knife for defense, and Mowery backed off. He was arrested on scene.