Ohio May Ban 'Bath Salts'

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A couple years ago mentioning bath salts would only conjure up images of a relaxing night in the tub. Kenny G is on the CD player, the lights dimmed, your pot belly gently poking out of the water, a loofa swirling the bubbles as tiny drops of water cascade over the edge, splashing on rose petals sprinkled over the floor. Maybe you had taken Cialis, and your wife is in a completely separate tub on the other side of the room. But she doesn't like Kenny G and keeps talking over your favorite parts of the song, and you wonder why you bought the rejuvenating face mask from Sky Mall and not the noise-canceling headphones. In fact, why were you shopping from Sky Mall in the first place. You could have been searching the internet for escorts, all of whom love Kenny G of course, and even if they didn't, they'd pretend for you. Then you feel yourself getting a little too worked up and add some bath salts to the water, and the stress and shrill voice of your wife fade away.

Where were we? Right, bath salts.

Now "bath salts" are code, a friendly name for synthetic crap people are snorting like cocaine. It's caused problems, including possibly making you think 37 invisible ninjas are invading your home, and has already been banned by some cities.

The state is making its move now. According to the AP, a bill banning "bath salts" awaits John Kasich's signature, and once that happens they will be categorized similarly to marijuana, which of course should be legal itself, but that's a different conversation.

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