Banana Attacks Gorilla, Currently on the Loose

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Come on!
  • "Come on!"

Standing in a mascot outfit on the side of the road waving a sign for 1/2-off cellular phones in 90-degree heat is not an enviable job, even without pranksters preying on your vulnerable condition. You're already suffering the slight indignity of standing in a mascot outfit for money, and your hindquarters are likely drenched in sweat, there's no need to add insult. But when the insult is this funny, well, we'll forgive it.

According to Fox 8, police in Strongsville say a man in a banana suit attacked a man in a gorilla suit on Pearl Road in front of The Wireless Center, leading to some of the best quotes we've read all week. For example:

"I noticed a kid in the bushes. Then he just emerged, dressed up as a banana, and sprinted as fast as he could at our gorilla," said Brandon Parham, the manager. "The kid just speared our gorilla."

And...

"The kid was in mid-air, flying. He just looked like a Spartan from that movie '300,' except he was a banana," added Parham.

And...

"This is just bizarre. It's really not normal of the food chain. That's not really how this works. The gorilla should have won," said Parham.

We'll bypass the logical discussion which should happen next, which is why any business in the world thinks that mascots work as advertising — seriously, you think we see a gorilla in front of your wireless store and think, Hey, we need a cell phone, that is obviously the place we'll shop, look how reputable they are! But wait, that other store down the street has a guy in a bear costume. I wonder if that means they're cheaper? — and just enjoy the mental image. (We like to think that when the banana speared the gorilla he screamed, "That's for my brothers that your cousin ate!")

The banana, incidentally, is still on the loose.

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