Witnesses Mistake Man's Parkinson's for Masturbation


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A public service announcement courtesy of the police blotters on Mayfield Heights Patch, that guy with his hands moving in his pocket might have a really shitty, degenerative disease, and maybe just maybe isn't playing with himself while reading the latest issue of Maxim.

Security told police at 1:41 p.m. Sept. 5 that a man was masturbating in the magazine section of a SOM Center Road store. Several witnesses gave statements to police. The suspect was described as a white man in his 60s, with a ponytail. He was with a woman and possibly left the area in a black Pacifica. The man told police that he has Parkinson's disease and his hands shake. He said he might have had his hands in his pockets and witnesses assumed what he was doing.

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