Stop number one on the morning blog train was a man in Elyria who allegedly shoved snake poop in a woman's mouth. Stop number two stays in Elyria for a surprisingly similar story. This time, however, it involves human waste, not animal.
According to the Chronicle Telegram, a 39-year-old woman told police that she and her boyfriend had been boozing it up this weekend, doing enough 12-ounce curls that she thought it prudent to crash at her boyfriend's pad.
This boyfriend, we learn, is a practical lad. You see, when he's drunk and the room is spinny and the bathroom is just too far away for a mid-night trip, he apparently places a bucket next to the bed for urinating needs. An entrepreneur. A visionary. The kind of guy you see yourself with ten years down the road living in a pimped out RV paid for with the fortune you made by branding a next-to-the-bed pee-bucket. Like truckers who pee in milk jugs and college kids who pee, well, anywhere, this is a gentleman of the world.
Anyway, the woman woke up at 7:30 the next morning to find the still-inebriated inventor spewing vulgarities at her. When she tried to move away, he grabbed the pee bucket and dumped the contents on her. Undeterred by her continued insistence on leaving, our boyfriend of the year then pummeled her windshield with a mop as she tried to drive away.
No arrests have been made yet, according to the report. More importantly, the pee bucket's reputation, once that of logic and practicality, has been tarnished forever.
Email us at email@example.com.
Support Local Journalism.
Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club