You know you're in for a rough time when the headline proclaims "Even Worse Than Rebecca Black."
Topping the list of Yahoo!'s Most Epically Awful Videos of 2011 is Alternate Reality's "The King That Never Was."
And score another one for Cleveland: Alternate Reality are one of us.
And yeah, the video (and song, let's not forget: every awful video starts with an awful song) is pretty fucking awful.
Yahoo singles out "The King That Never Was" for its terrible Dungeons & Dragons concept:
Actually, if this video were intended to be ironic, we would say it was the most genius video of all time. Ditto if it were a video by Spinal Tap, Tenacious D, or Bill & Ted's Wyld Stallyns. But sadly, it seems like these not-so-shining-armored guys' tongues were nowhere near the vicinity of their cheeks when they filmed this video atrocity. Apparently they really do live in an alternate reality in which dressing up like Mickey Mouse from Fantasia and engaging in Camelot swordfights is the epitome of cool. Obviously, this is not a reality in which any sane person would choose to live.
But it goes way beyond that. Let's count the ways this video sucks:
1. The opening narration by the woman who looks like she's about to take part in some kinky sex games with Arthur and a few of his knight pals.
2. The wizard, who looks like he was picked up on Public Square, where he was found begging for spare change.
3. The poor horse, whose eyes say, "Get me the fuck out of here."
4. The Halloween-store props.
5. The kid with the "punk" hair who looks like a medieval waterboy. (No way this dude would last longer than a minute on a battlefield.)
6. Singer Steve Delchin throws up devil horns. Devil horns.
7. The chick fight.
8. And, of course, the song: terrible '80s-style metal, complete with one of those faux evil laughs metal guys like to throw out there.
Yahoo! calls Alternate Reality a "deluded Cleveland metal band" (ouch). They're led by a pair of lawyer brothers (double ouch).
The video was filmed at Squire's Castle in Lake County and includes appearances by Destructor's Dave Overkill, Cellbound's Chris E., and longtime local metal guru Bill Peters as the Wicked Necromancer.
Seriously, when your video beats Rebecca Black's "Friday" as worst of the year, you must be doing something terribly, terribly wrong. —Michael Gallucci