by Kyle Swenson
Morning Cleveland, and Happy New Year. If we can extrapolate from years past, your probably doing your best right now to navigate a rough patch here, desperately mainlining caffeine, trying to chemically spark some workday enthusiasm on this, the Worst Monday Morning of All Monday Mornings, 2012 Edition (even though the calendar says Tuesday, this is a Tuesday tricked out in all Monday's gloom). To help you through the psychic bends, we thought we'd take this time to look back on what's been popular on Scene and Heard in the last year. Yeah, we know, retrospectives are supposed to happen on the other side of January 1st, but we're breaking the mold, ever adventurous as we are. Here are the top ten tales of weirdness, moral depravity, idiocy and beer that had you clicking in 2011. You ready, Dave? Alright, let's start the countdown.
10.Yuengling Coming to Ohio, Officially. What Cleveland really needed this year wasn't economic development or a championship ring. It was a new option at the bar stool. Cheers.
9. Michael Symon's 'The Chew' Hammered by Critics. The Lolita mastermind and local foodie gone Big Time is a Cleveland favorite, but Symon's debut on a national stage didn't get much love.
8. Craigslist Ad of the Day: Calling Cleveland Groupies Dancers for an NBA Party. Nothing to see here people, just some consenting adults getting together for a nice pot luck. Yup, just some backyard games, bocci, lawn darts, no groupie sex. Nope.
7. Cleveland Slut Walk Tomorrow. Not the one that happens on West Sixth every weekend.
6. Teacher Accused of Having Sex With Student Gets Two Years in Prison. Student-teacher extracurriculars are an ever-popular storyline.
5. Ryan Dunn, Jackass Star, Dies in Car Accident. Very sad news.
4. The Story of a Clevelander Who Moved to L.A., Inherited the Phone Number of a Hollywood Star, and Started Leading a Hollywood Life. Just a regular guy gifted by fate with a popular cell phone number. We hear this will be optioned for a new Tom Hanks movie by the end of 2012.
3. (Warning: Graphic Image) The Exotic Animal Body Count. The image isn't worth a 1,000 words, here it's worth the 1,000 tears of kitty-loving kids who stumbled upon the pic and haven't stopped screaming for Mr. Fluffy since.
2. Cops Confiscate Lakewood Lady’s Arsenal; Motive Pending (Updated). The story here drew a lot of hands off!!!, Amurrrrica, Ron Paulism ire, but damn people, that's a lot of guns. I mean, a lot of guns.
1. Colondra Hamilton Charged For Masturbating, Watching Porn While Driving. Technically speaking, this shouldn't even count — this story was originally posted in August 2010. But for a second year in a row, this little window shot into the dark and depraved has been the most-clicked news item on the blog.