By P. Rogie, your weekly online sports contributor
Of course, you threw away all your #23 gear after The Decision, but where do you stand today? Take our quiz to find out just how diehard that rage is.
1. When I see a Miami Heat game on the TV, I ___________.
A. Casually watch to see if something exciting happens.
B. Turn the channel immediately.
C. Check the score to make sure the Heat are losing, then change the channel.
D. Call the cable company to complain. I thought I blocked all channels with offensive content.
2. List the following people in order of dislike. 1 is the least disliked and 5 is the most disliked.
Jose Mesa John Elway LeBron James Clu Haywood Art Modell
3. The Cavs next home game against the Heat is:
A. January 24 B. January 30 C. February 7 D. February 17 E. February 24
4. LeBron James is averaging how many turnovers per game?
A. 3.5 TO/G B. 3.7 TO/G C. 3.9 TO/G D. 4.1 TO/G E. 4.3 TO/G
5. How many free throws does LeBron miss per game?
A. 2.9 FT/G B. 3.1 FT/G C. 3.3 FT/G D. 3.5 FT/G E. 3.7 FT/G
6. When I see a guy wearing a #6 Heat jersey, I ______________.
A. Think to myself “Loser.”
B. Think to myself “I wish I could rip that jersey right off him and burn it.”
C. Go to the guy and rip the jersey right off him and burn it.
D. Go to the guy and set the jersey on fire with him still in it.
7. If I saw LeBron James’ car on the side of the road with a flat tire, I would ____________.
A. Pull over and help him change the tire.
B. Keep going. Never know who you might encounter on the road.
C. Yell a few choice words and offer a few choice hand signals to express how sorry I am.
D. Pull over and put a knife in the other three tires.
1. A. 1pt, B. 2pts, C. 3pts, D. 4pts. A quick peek doesn’t add to the ratings, does it?
2. Give yourself as many points (1-5) as places you ranked LeBron. However, if you don’t know who Clu Haywood is, deduct two points from your overall score.
3. A. and C. 1 pt, D. 2pts. While the Cavs play twice in Miami, the only home contest is February 17.
4. C. 2pts. It’s the highest in his career!
5. A. 2pts. His career average is 2.3/G. Good to see he’s improving his weaknesses!
6. A. 1pt, B. 2pts, C. 3pts, D. 4pts. Those who answered D: your fanaticism is appreciated, but there are clinics that can help you out.
7. A. 1pt, B. 2pts, C. 3pts, D. 4pts. Those who answered D: your fanaticism is appreciated, but there are clinics that can help you out.
2-8: (Matthew Bellamy) Start looking for homes in Dade County. We don’t like your type around here.
9-15: (Jim Thome) You’re still upset about the past, but time has definitely healed some wounds.
16-22: (Moses Cleaveland) You’re one of us!
23: (Hannibal Lecter) You need to talk to someone. You have some deep, psychological issues. If you really need someone, you can come to my house in P…, um, Alaska. Yes, you can come to my house in Alaska. I’m in the Yellow Pages there, er, I mean here. Look me up. Here in Alaska.