Man Ditches Blind Date With Bill; Police Actually Waste Time Investigating, Filing Charges

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At this crime scene, the victims boyfriend neglected to pick up limes from the store.
  • At this crime scene, the victim's boyfriend neglected to pick up limes from the store.

Props go out to the Westlake Police Department for proving itself the last protector of all that is upright and moral in this cardboard-flimsy social arrangement we call polite society. Why, you ask? They really went the extra step championing the weak and helpless by recently going after a particularly foul miscreant, 23-year-old Daniel Robinson.

What did Robinson do that threatened to tear up the social fabric? Well, according to the Morning Journal, the Sheffield Village native arranged a blind date on Facebook, a meet-up that took place last week at the Crocker Park Champps.

The other half of the date showed up with two friends. Robinson allegedly promised to pay the $95 bill, but at some point excused himself to make a phone call, and slipped out without paying or saying goodbye. When the girls realized he'd made the Irish Exit, they were horrified, insulted, embarrassed, shocked, and deeply offended because they didn't have the “means to pay.” Later that night, Robinson sent “derogatory texts” to his victim.

Westlake police tracked down Robinson, but he didn't return any messages. So they filed an arrest warrant against him for theft charges, ensuring that we can all sleep little better now.

So thank you, law enforcement officials of Westlake, for assuring all free-loading blind dates who suspiciously but probably for good reason go out with no actual means of payment that they won't end up the ignominious pincushion for the insults of malefactors. No matter that a dozen pairs of khakis were likely secreted out of the Gap in the time it took to fill out the victim's report and investigate the matter, this was a definite win for the good guys.

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