Summer’s Here, Resist the Urge to Strap Bottle Rockets to Random Things


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A great, glorious idea.
  • A great, glorious idea.

The urge is understandable. The sun’s up, temperatures are hitting new highs, the sky is that perfect postcard shade of blue, and all you want to do is go outside and blow shit up. Fireworks in mailboxes. Black Cats in a muffler. Handfuls of trunk-bought foreign ordinance randomly chucked out the window of a moving car. You know the drill.

A popular subspecies of this desire is the need to strap bottle rockets onto movable objects, and watch as, instead of speeding off with extra velocity, they blow up. Hard as it might be, this is a desire you probably should keep in your pocket, ‘ask us. If you need any further evidence, consider: you might end up like this guy.

According to Newsnet5, a 25-year-old Eastlake resident, likely under the spell of the nice weather, decided to strap a bottle rocket to one of those styrofoam planes yesterday. This one seemed to have gotten a little wind under its wings before clash landing.

Police responded and found a resident spraying water from a garden hose on to a pine tree that was located up against the house.

The homeowner said she heard some type of firework and then heard a male say, "The tree is on fire. That's not good."

Also, from personal experience, strapping bottle rockets to Matchbox cars is never as good, or burn-free, as it sounds.


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