Fox News Sets Parameters for First Republican Debate in Cleveland

by

The Jeb
  • The Jeb
The first Republican presidential debate — yay — will take place on Aug. 6 in Cleveland. Fox News' Bret Baier, Megyn Kelly and Chris Wallace will moderate. Quicken Loans Arena will host and, presumably, provide a cartload of those Q-shaped pretzels for Chris Christie. 

According to the news outlet, the candidates must — now take a deep breath — place “in the top 10 of an average of the five most recent national polls, as recognized by FOX News leading up to Aug. 4 at 5 p.m. Eastern Time, [which polls] must be conducted by major, nationally recognized organizations that use standard methodological techniques."

Narrowing the field of prospective candidates down to 10 will be fun. As a city of homers, we're hoping Ohio's own Gov. John Kasich will sneak into the running, despite intra-party unease. The titans du jour will show up — Jeb; Rand; Cruz, I guess — but 10 podiums (podia?) guarantee at least a couple rogue pols who'll insist on shouting their way through tangential straw men during the one question generously tossed their way by the moderators. 

Rick Santorum, for one, is not happy about the rules. 

To brush up on the bloated field, we recommend The Guardian's 'Is there anyone who won't run for the Republican nomination in 2016?' An important excerpt:

But after all the legitimate major contenders for the nomination (if not the presidency), we’re now left with the unappealing oddments, the candidate-shaped things that make you go, “What the fuck is that?” This section of the Republican presidential candidacy spread is like the items at the salad bar that you’ll never put on your plate, but there they are, at the end, between the baskets of Saltines and the plastic jugs of ranch, Thousand Island and whatever-turned-into-bleu-cheese dressing.

Who or what the hell are these people? And why? 



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