Productivity in Cleveland Craters as Everyone Watches a Little Digital Man Slowly Walk Toward the Finish Line to Buy 'Hamilton' Tickets

by

6 comments
screen_shot_2018-04-13_at_10.15.59_am.png

CLEVELAND — Reports of widespread office and workplace inactivity swamped the Cleveland area this morning as Playhouse Square opened the general public sale for tickets to Hamilton. A virtual waiting room greeted those hoping to score seats for the critically acclaimed play. Progress was measured by a little digital man inching his way across the screen.

"It's kind of mesmerizing," said one woman who declined to give her name. "He's just there, marching and marching and marching. You have to admire his patience."



"Yeah, he's just resigned to his fate, whatever it is, like the rest of us," said a coworker from the next cube over. "Walking into the future and the unknown, hoping for the best but expecting the worst."

Furious updates between spouses, friends and families were exchanged over texts, gchats and emails, each containing an approximation of how far Little Man was from the finish line.



"Looks like 60%, where are you," one frazzled daughter texted her mom.

"Hi!
Pretty close.
It doesn't show a percentage though?
Where do you see that?
[fingers crossed emoji] [fingers crossed emoji] [fingers crossed emoji]
Luv u," responded the mother.

Some workers feared being criticized by managers for spending the first hour or two of the day doing absolutely nothing but staring at the digital man's slow, agonizing progress.

Attempts to reach those managers were unsuccessful, as they too were staring at the digital man's slow, agonizing progress.

Playhouse Square box office employees, meanwhile, are expected to leave work early today, retiring to Parnell's next door on Euclid Ave. where they will drink every last bit of white wine available.

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Support Local Journalism.
Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club


Local journalism is information. Information is power. And we believe everyone deserves access to accurate independent coverage of their community and state. Our readers helped us continue this coverage in 2020, and we are so grateful for the support.


Help us keep this coverage going in 2021. Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing membership pledge, your support goes to local-based reporting from our small but mighty team.


Join the Cleveland Scene Press Club for as little as $5 a month.