Parts of Cleveland Now Smell Like Semen, Which Means the Bradford Pear Trees Have Bloomed

by

10 comments
AVIA VENEFICA, FLICKRCC
  • Avia Venefica, FlickrCC

If you've strolled between Huron and Prospect near East Fourth in the past week and gotten confused because your eyes confirm that you're in fact in downtown Cleveland but your nose seems to hint that you're on a Brazzers studio set, you're not alone.

That semen-y smell is coming from aggressively floral Bradford pear trees, which have bloomed and indicated that spring is coming all over Cleveland.



Their popularity has waned since first being introduced in America from their native China some 70 years ago before everyone realized that not only is the funk of jizz not something anyone wanted around but that the species turned out to be quite virile. It's now considered an invasive species and does little more than emit foul smells.

As our good pals at Scene's sister paper in St. Louis noted in 2017 upon the premature arrival of spring, if everyone remains dead set on ecological calamity and screwing over humanity, we might as well smell like it.



Sign up for Scene's weekly newsletters to get the latest on the news, things to do and places to eat delivered right to your inbox.

We welcome readers to submit letters regarding articles and content in Cleveland Scene. Letters should be a minimum of 150 words, refer to content that has appeared on Cleveland Scene, and must include the writer's full name, address, and phone number for verification purposes. No attachments will be considered. Writers of letters selected for publication will be notified via email. Letters may be edited and shortened for space.

Email us at news@clevescene.com.

Cleveland Scene works for you, and your support is essential.

Our small but mighty local team works tirelessly to bring you high-quality, uncensored news and cultural coverage of Cleveland and beyond.

Unlike many newspapers, ours is free – and we'd like to keep it that way, because we believe, now more than ever, everyone deserves access to accurate, independent coverage of their community.

Whether it's a one-time acknowledgement of this article or an ongoing pledge, your support helps keep Cleveland's true free press free.