Parts of Cleveland Now Smell Like Semen, Which Means the Bradford Pear Trees Have Bloomed


  • Avia Venefica, FlickrCC

If you've strolled between Huron and Prospect near East Fourth in the past week and gotten confused because your eyes confirm that you're in fact in downtown Cleveland but your nose seems to hint that you're on a Brazzers studio set, you're not alone.

That semen-y smell is coming from aggressively floral Bradford pear trees, which have bloomed and indicated that spring is coming all over Cleveland.

Their popularity has waned since first being introduced in America from their native China some 70 years ago before everyone realized that not only is the funk of jizz not something anyone wanted around but that the species turned out to be quite virile. It's now considered an invasive species and does little more than emit foul smells.

As our good pals at Scene's sister paper in St. Louis noted in 2017 upon the premature arrival of spring, if everyone remains dead set on ecological calamity and screwing over humanity, we might as well smell like it.

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