In October, 14 men were arrested for plotting to kidnap and murder Michigan Gov. Gretchen Whitmer
. Ever since, the patriot movement has vowed revenge, calling the arrests “illegal” and “totally not fair.” Their fury was further ignited after Democrats “stole” the presidential election, a race Donald Trump supposedly “lost” by a mere 7 million votes.
But insiders say Ohio patriots are now wracked by indecision. Their enemies list grows by the day to include such luminaries as Vice President Mike Pence and accused pedophile/Supreme Court Justice John Roberts
. No one can agree on who to kidnap – or how they’ll pay for the Keystone Light to fuel the operation. Meetings have devolved into slap fights, accusations of treason, and extended rounds of the silent treatment.
Rick Wombley, commander of the Knights of MAGA, shares a universal frustration: “It feels like we’re living in an episode of Real Housewives of Ashtabula.”
It all began last summer, when the FBI infiltrated a meeting on the plot to kill Whitmer in Dublin, Ohio
. The patriots planned to kidnap the governor, then televise her execution. Officially, Whitmer was charged with “treason” for her mask mandates, forcing patriots to unwillingly be considerate of their fellow countrymen. Unofficially, it was the only way they could get close to a woman.
If the Whitmer scheme failed, Plan B was to storm the Michigan Capitol, then televise a series of executions of public officials.
The operation was expected to be a bonanza for the movement. MyPillow and Chick-fil-A signed on as sponsors, and Tucker Carlson prepared to broadcast live from the killing grounds.
Yet the arrests have hurled the movement into chaos. Commander Wombley was assigned to bring marshmallows when Whitmer was burned at the stake. But he was forced to bow out for lack of gas money to drive to Lansing.
“And no one was going to reimburse me for the marshmallows,” he complains.
Much of the problem involves logistics. Findlay’s Heroes of Liberty planned to kidnap Georgia’s secretary of state. But the only member with a car capable of making the journey died suddenly from the China virus hoax.
They then voted to hitchhike to Columbus, where they would abduct Ohio Gov. Mike DeWine. Yet that plot was foiled too after spending four hours with their thumbs out on Main Street. No one wanted to pick up heavily armed men dressed in camo. And their moms had refused to pack them a lunch.
The movement has tried to solicit sponsors. “Everyone thinks it’s a little too Talibanish,” says Wombley. “I tell them it’s not terrorism when white guys do it. But these corporate sheeple are slow on the uptake.”
Even allies are keeping their distance. Newsmax and One America News Network are eager to broadcast the killings, even bringing Slim Jims and Kool-Aid to a production meeting in Boardman. Yet Fox News is demanding guaranteed body counts before it commits. Facebook is also on the fence, unsure if live murder violates its community standards.
Then there’s the ever-presents fear that infiltrators might foil a plot, just as they did with Whitmer. In recent weeks, patriot cells across Ohio have noticed a spike in new members named “John Q. Public” who list their address as “Quantico, Virginia.” Though all have been cleared by patriot security, the risk of cucks soiling the ranks remains a pressing concern.
“It happened at the Norwalk chapter,” says Wombley. “Suddenly they were eating finger sandwiches and talking about soccer. Now they hold Bridgerton viewing parties and want to kidnap a Lululemon distributor. If you look at history, this is always how great movements fail.”